By the order

Slavonian custom of dinning is done in a very specific "in the order" protocol. Meal starts with shot of hard liquor, slavonian plum brand, after which comes greasy beef soup, cooked meat, sarma or stuffed peppers, fried meat and lastly dessert. Meanwhile, plater with kulin and sausages is served.
This is what slavonian dinner looks like on Sundays or during holidays like Christmas, Easter or for weddings.
One old partisan was famous for eating in his own special order disregarding "in the order" protocol. He would start with meat, sarma and than he would finish with cooked meat and soup at the very end. Once old major of Yugoslav Revolutionary Army asked him why doesn't he eat "in the order" if he was authentic Slavonian.

Then he told the story.

At the end of the WWII, his brigade was preparing for offensive attack. While partisans in other parts of Yugoslavia ate tree bark and licked piss to gain a bit of salt, partisans in Slavonia ate good.
Hidden somewhere deep in the forest they caught some venison, fired up the food kettle and started to cook slavonian čobanac (slavonian stew with venison). Alongside they set up another food kettle in which they cooked various vegetables, making some kind of partisan-vegetarian stew. Vegetarian Cuisine was known to partisans, not for principal reasons but from necessity.
While waiting for meal to be done they lay down in the woods to rest, some counted munition and checked gear, some were reading little red books supplied by political commissary. Maybe some partisan was hoping for some guerila-sex with some young partisan girl....
All of the sudden they hear enemy mortar. In moment Revolutionary Army is on its feet, with riffels in their hands. They're looking for cover in century old slavonian oaks, they call God, in which they don't believe, for help. Everybody found cover and now they are waiting for the worst.
All eyes are focused on ammunition and explosive cases in one bush. They all fear they'll witness a burning bush.
"Fiiiiiiiiiii" - grenade whistles through air. Through the trees they see grenade falling down from the sky.
Big explosion rumble the forest.
Partisans come out of cover, checking if everything is all right with their commrads. Young major, the one that after this will never again eat "in the order" comes running to other partisans.
- "I saw where it fell!"
- "Where?" - commrads ask
- "Directly in the food kettle!"
- "Which one?"
- "The one with čobanac..." - said young major with tear in his eye.


First time published at Jimblog under the title "Sve po redu", on 5th of May, 2007 AD