Underpants

In every corner of the Balkans, where there’s people, Balkan people, from villages to towns, there is something that could be called “cheap female love traders”. Mostly, those are hyperbolized stories of woman offering sexual services for this, and that reason, for a price which is a bargain, to the consumers of that kind of services. Reality, in fact, is that most of these woman are not prostitutes at all. However balkanian vanity is known to destroy other peoples life’s…. They call them nymphomans, hookers, vegetarians… those are the woman that always tickle a dirty mans imagination…

My personal favorite story is about some girl, supposedly from Kupres who charged for her services no more or less than – 12 HRK (around 2 USD). Allegedly she even returned the change of 2 bosnian marks if a satisfied consumer gave her a fiver (five KM… around 3.5 USD)

Our story, for which I got copyright rights, is true, however because of protection of participants I decided to change some details, names and places of events. Besides that, everything is true.
Plot of this story is in Bugojno, where lived a girl called Amra-fiver. Gossip was that she was offering sexual services for 5 marks for what she got her nick name. Has she really prostituted for a fiver, or has she prostituted at all, no one really knows. But word was on the street…
Two brothers, Goran (22) and Marko (19) lived near town of Bugojno (they still do) and at the time, they were working on a house which was burned during the last war.
They were doing electric installation for the house for which an electrician from Donji Vakuf (town close to Bugojno) was in charge. Electrician needed no help from these two, so they spent their free time in front of a local store where they drunk beer with their friend Zoran who was 16 at the time and was the youngest in the crew.
Teenagers had just one thing on their mind, two to be exact. Sex and the “other thing” (“if we didn’t have that “other thing”, what would the hell would we fuck then?”). So our heroes of this story often made jokes on young Zoran’s account like: “Zoka… how about we give you a fiver and you go and do Amra, ha? Wouldn’t that be awesome? To see how’s it like. And I’d earn a weekend in paradise (Bosnian saying).”… and things like that.
After few days, when job was done, Goran and Marko set in a car to take the electrician back to Vakuf. They also picked up Zoka by the store.
While driving through Bugojno they saw non other but young Amra herself, walking trough the city with some girl.
“Zox! There’s Amra! Hey, dude! I have 20 marks, you can do her 4 times! You’re young, and besides, you have a boner all the time! You could do her for two days!” – says Goran
“Zoka, dude, I’ll ad a ten, just to make you a man!” – adds Marko.
Electrician also made his contribution: - “Son… for 30 marks I think that you could do her friend as well!”
Zoran didn’t mind the jokes, he accepted them with no hard feelings.
White Škoda 150L was running at the incredible speed of 50mph on a state road witch connects Bugojno and Donji Vakuf. After they left the electrician in Vakuf, they went straight back.
“Zoka, dude… now when we come to Bugojno, Goran and I will go and grab some coffe, so you take Škoda, the back seat is your’s and let it rip!” – said Marko from a co-drivers seat, and Goran adds: - “Just don’t get stains on my seats. When you’ll be doing… you know… the thing…”
“Would you really mind the stains on your seats if I finally did it?” – young Zoran asked the smiling diver.
The trip from Vakuf to Bugojno, as expected just flew by while talking about sex and telling jokes on young Zoran's account.
White Škoda 150L sailing into Bugojno, making funny noises due to a defective belt which, in fact weren’t funny at all, become an attraction in a sleepy Bugojno afternoon. People on bar’s porches turned their heads to see Czechoslovakian technical miracle.
And Amra, still walking through the streets of Bugojno turned her head towards Škoda. Then Goran started to put his foot down on a brake, as if he was about to stop the car and said: “Here you go dude, and remember this! Today you’ll become man!”
Off course Goran wasn’t really thinking of stopping his car to ask a girl for sex, after all, no one really knew for sure if she was even a prostitute. Even if he knew… how do you ask such a thing?!
But young Zoran, seeing that Goran was really about to stop the car, and that the joke got too serious, grabbed the front seats tightly and shouted:
- “DUDE, DON’T DO IT! I HAVEN’T CHANGED MY UNDERPANTS!!”

First time published at Jimblog under the title "Gaće", on 16th of January, 2006 AD